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Dark humor from writer/filmmaker Jim DeVault. A 10-year-old pshych girl's spirit doesn' like the family that's moving into the house she's haunting!
More dark humor!
A traveling side show in the guise of a tent revival. And Death is along for the ride.
A beginners guide to the world of cheesy movies, by someone who loves them!
Follow-up the Shoot the Director, this volume defends the so-called "worst move ever made" by giving examples of why it isn't.
Vampire horror with a touch of erotica...sometimes simultaneously.
Make your own movie! This book doesn't tell you how to make a movie (lots of books do that), but gives solid advice on how to get your movie made, by someone who's done it many times.
All titles available at
Now streamin in full HD at
Official screener at the 2015 Famous Monsters and Twisted Tails film festivals
An old-school vampire tale that begins the Blood Reunion Trilogy!
Murder mystery with some rather grisly murders!
|This editorial cartoon by Steve Greenberg says it all!|
|To Each and All
By Green and blue in a red state -
Aug 26, 2011 10:37:03 AM ET
To each and all in jeopardy on our Southern and Eastern Coasts, please be safe!
In a torrential storm and mass flooding a neighbor who had sought shelter, but was worried about a neighbor lady who was alone and unaccounted for, advised a shelter volunteer.
The shelter volunteer contacted the city emergency rescue team, who immediately headed out, while still possible, to rescue the lady.
Reaching the lady's home, the head of the rescue was able to reach the lady. As she stood still, he commanded, "Let's go! We must get out of here." Refusing to move, the lady spoke softly, "I am not leaving, The Lord is protecting me."
Fearing for his own team, the leader, left, contacting the "Water Rescue Team" via his radio system. When the "water rescue team" arrived with their safety boat and found the woman, she stood her ground, refusing to go, responding as before: "I am not leaving, the Lord is protecting me."
After much pleading and even the thought of dragging the woman out of her house, the leader gave up, contacting the "Emergency Helicopter Service," to the rescue. The Helicopter rescue team arrived, realizing, with the torrential rain, they had to act quickly, or they also might go down. To no avail, contacting the woman and sending down rescue equipment, the woman refused to accept the help, responding: "I am staying right here. The Lord is protecting me."
THE WOMAN DROWNED.
When she reached heaven, she questioned the Lord, stating she was not quite ready to leave earth yet. "Lord," she asked, "why didn't you protect me when I needed your help so badly?"
The Lord spoke wisely and softly: "I did every thing I could possibly do to protect you. I sent the Emergency Rescue Service, the Water Rescue Service and a Emergency Rescue Helicopter to try an save you."
|Proofreading is a dying art,
wouldn't you say?
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
(This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.)
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says (
Really? Ya think?)
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
(Now that's taking things a bit far!)
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
(What a guy!)
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
(No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!)
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
(See if that works any better than a fair trial!)
War Dims Hope for Peace
(I can see where it might have that effect!)
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
(Who would have thought!)
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
(They may be on to something!)
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges (You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?)
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
(He probably is the battery charge!)
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
(Weren't they fat enough?!)
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
(That's what he gets for eating those beans!)
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
(Do they taste like chicken?)
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
(Chainsaw Massacre all over again!)
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
(Boy, are they tall!)
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
(Did I read that right?)
|WHAT A PITY
KULULA DOESN'T FLY INTERNATIONALLY - WE SHOULD SUPPORT THEM IF ONLY FOR
THEIR HUMOUR - SO TYPICALLY SOUTH AFRICAN.
Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg.Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."
"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
From a Kulula employee: "Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised." ---o0o--- "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite."
"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."
"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landingin Cape Town : The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline". He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."
Heard on a Kulula flight: "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
|The economy is
so bad that:
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
CEOs are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
They renamed Wall Street to Wal-Mart Street.
|BEST THING I HAVE HEARD
From a senior citizen around 80 yrs. of age. We aren't useless yet.
There recently was an article in the St. Petersburg , Fl. Times. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on: "How Would You Fix the Economy?" I think this guy nailed it!
Dear Mr. President,
Please find below my suggestion for fixing America 's economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the "Patriotic Retirement Plan":
There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:
P.S. If more money is needed, have all members in Congress pay their taxes.. Mr. President, while you're at it, make Congress retire on Social Security and Medicare. I'll bet both programs would be fixed pronto!
If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know. If not, please disregard.